Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
