Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
