She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
