Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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