fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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