It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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