please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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