I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
