New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
