Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
