susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
