hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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