He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
