Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
