Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
