i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
