Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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