i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
