I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
