Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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