I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
