My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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