yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
