i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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