Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
