Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
