So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize