A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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