she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I could fuck to npr.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
