its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
