Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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