it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
