god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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