I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
