you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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