Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
