OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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