i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
