You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I will die if light touches me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
