Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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