I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
