So drunk its hurt
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
