i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
