No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
