Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
