you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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