Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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