The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
