like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
