i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
