umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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