I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
