I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
