Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
