She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
