Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
