I think im going to throw up on grandma
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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