Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
