Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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