I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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