Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
