I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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