I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
