She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
