I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
