eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
