Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
