Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
