I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
