I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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