while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
