I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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