I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Where is the hickey?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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