planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
