I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
