That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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