I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
