Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
