I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
