the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
