If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
