I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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