well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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